hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
