Apparently you make a good broom.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
