ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
worst night to have a conscience
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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