Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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