i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
