My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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