beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
you had me at cake vodka
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
