I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
