hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
