Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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