Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
