ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
