yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
