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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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