if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I have demons in me.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
