Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
