i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
