On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
