This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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