I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
