I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
