What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
