I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
