Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
