the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
