We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
