btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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