Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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