the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
sex in a hospital.. check
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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