I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
