doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
