it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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