It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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