Sry I called you an 8
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
