thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
