He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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