It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
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