If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
