Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
