You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
