Where are you?
In a non slutty way
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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