I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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