my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
from now on my penis is your penis
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize