I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
