There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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