oh god the rape fog is back!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
