Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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