Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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