he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
