i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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