i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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