The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
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