I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
