hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
