There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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