Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
