very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
