She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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