Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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