I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
