Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
