Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
