We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
