Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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