Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
