just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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