the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
