Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
