Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
