if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
