Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
