I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
